Time for another rousing session of “Really? That’s Your Plan?” featuring Disney villains. Today we finally enter the 21st century of Disney. Have the villain’s plans improved with the turn of the century? Would I be continuing this segment if they haven’t? Let’s take a look!
The Incredibles – Syndrome
Little Buddy here just wanted to be Mr. Incredible’s sidekick. Mr. Incredible was not fond of this idea and shunned him. Because of this, Buddy grew up to resent superheroes, thus he changed his name to Syndrome and created a plan! Design a killer robot that could adapt and think for itself, pit it against superhero after superhero until the robot was perfect, send the robot to terrorize a city only have himself swoop down and save the city, become a hero in the eyes of the public, and sell his inventions so everybody could be a superhero
Oh, Buddy…where do I even begin with your “elaborate plan”? You have three different unrelated goals and try to mash them together! It’s like trying to make a cake, but your ingredients are sugar, broccoli, and queso! First: you want to design a superhero-killing robot? That’s fine! Do that! Eliminate every single superhero. But answer me this, why would you want to fight the robot that can THINK FOR ITSELF AND ADAPT? Of course it’s going to be able to defeat you! You should have just used a dumber robot! Second: you want to be a superhero? That’s fine! Do that! Why do you even need to release a killer robot endangering people? Just be a good person! Help people! Listen to the police scanner and build up a good reputation! Third, and probably the most important, why do you need to become a superhero just to sell your tech? YOU OWN A SUPER HIGH TECH ISLAND WITH BODYGUARDS GALORE! THAT’S SCROOGE MCDUCK LEVELS OF RICHNESS! I’m pretty sure that with the right couple of donations and a few well-placed investments in companies, you could easily sell your superhero tech! Patent it and sell it to the military! You’ll make EVEN MORE MONEY and still get your “when everyone’s super, no one will be” point across! COME ON!
Enchanted – Narissa
Narissa is queen of a kingdom, that I can only assume, has a name that sounds like a prescription medication. What is it? Andalasia? Yep, that sounds like a drug to me. Narissa will lose her throne if her stepson, Prince Edward, gets married. Surely enough, the prince finds the love of his life, Giselle, and they decide to get married the next day. What will Narissa do to stop this? She sends Giselle to a place where dreams never come true: New York City.
While I admit that’s pretty evil, Narissa really should take a few pointers from the Evil Queen in Snow White. First off, why not just kill her? We see later that she’s capable of making poison apples as well as turning into an old hag. Why not offer Giselle the apple on her wedding day instead of pushing her into another dimension? Another odd mistake is the fact that she doesn’t use Giselle’s feelings for another man to her advantage. If she convinced Giselle to stay with Robert, then Prince Edward would not get married and the throne would remain hers! That’s a win for everyone! But no! She just HAD to put her into a deep sleep for no good reason. Sheesh lady, your worse then the character you’re based on…
The Princess and the Frog – Doctor Facilier
Voodoo Witch Doctor extraordinaire Dr. Facilier is need of some money. Rather then do it the elaborate way by getting a normal job, he decides the best way to make his fortune would be to do something a little simpler: Wait for a handsome penniless prince to show up to New Orleans, take some of his blood and in the process transform the prince into a frog (just go with it), use the blood to craft a voodoo necklace which will make the prince’s valet look like the prince, have the valet marry the daughter of a wealthy sugar baron, kill the wealthy sugar baron, and finally split the fortune with the valet as Facilier’s demonic voodoo friends claim the souls of every resident in New Orleans.
Oh, wait second. I just realized that this plan was NOT SIMPLE IN THE SLIGHTEST! This is WAY too elaborate just to get some mone!. I’m going to simplify this plan with just one easy step, just one step and he would still get this money. Instead of using the prince to get the baron’s money…WHY NOT USE THE BARON? Transform the baron into the frog, turn the valet into the Baron and he has access to all of the baron’s funds. No need to kill, no need to plan a wedding, and you don’t even need the valet! According to the U.S. Census of 1920, there was close to 400,000 people living in New Orleans at that time. I’m pretty sure one of those people would love to be loaded with cash! BUT NO! We have to have an OVERLY COMPLICATED PLAN INVOLVING PRINCES, WEDDINGS AND DEATH. YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELF SOME BETTER FRIENDS ON THE OTHER SIDE WHO CAN GIVE YOU SOME BETTER ADVICE! COME ON!
Sheesh…I’m going to need to take a couple Andalasia to calm. Thank you for joining me for “Really? That’s your Plan?” featuring even more Disney villains. Tune in next week for the final part as we take a look at the most current Disney villains. Until then, this is Xander signing off.